


Teenager Forever

by Space_gays_that_arent_in_space



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eating Disorders, Jealous Tsukishima Kei, M/M, Minor Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, One-Sided Attraction, References to Depression, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:14:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24706669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space/pseuds/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space
Summary: If he had thought about it before the training camp, he would have denied, but Yamaguchi was on his way to becoming something of an equal in many respects, and Tsukishima liked the idea of being with someone who would challenge him rather than submitting like a dog.He preferred that, an equal over an underling, though he knew well that an equal could turn into a rival, and a rival could turn into an enemy far more easily than he preferred to admit. Even still, the idea wasn't totally unappealing, especially when he met someone as utterly repulsive as Satori Tendou.
Relationships: Tendou Satori & Tsukishima Kei, Tendou Satori/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 21





	Teenager Forever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [genkiris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/genkiris/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Soru, you're one of my favorite people and I'm so glad we met. I'm sorry this took so long to put together but I hope you enjoy the next three chapters worth of bullshit that I will be writing just for you!!!! I hope that I can make more birthday bullshit fics for you that are like three days late. ILYSM and I really hope you enjoy this!

Tsukishima Kei preferred keeping outsiders at a distance. 

It was easier for him to live that way. 

Easier for him to have low expectations for everything and everyone so as to never feel such a despairing disappointment again. He had long learned that. 

Perhaps he was jaded, his senpais and teammates sure seemed to think he was, but it was hard to care when all of them were idiots. He would never acknowledge it, even if a gun was held to his head, but Tsukishima Kei was just a little boy who hadn’t recovered from having his hopes crushed. 

Another thing he would never admit was that he was an envious person. He envied many people, though that was most definitely a byproduct of his jaded nature. 

He envied the drive of his classmates to do well because they cared rather than simply because it was expected of them. 

He envied the people on the street he saw, carefree and happy as if it were always that easy. 

He envied that gang of idiots he called teammates and their stupidly deep passion for volleyball. It was ridiculous and yet he sometimes found himself longing to feel that wonder from when he was a kid. 

Even Yamaguchi seemed to have fallen in love with volleyball before Kei did and that should have left him more envious than ever. 

Perhaps, he thought, his envy was truly based in his lack of care. He didn’t care about much and found that level of apathy ridiculous, he was a hopeless person, bound to live his life as the epitome of a boring, normal person. It wasn’t like he could do better anyway. 

Even his habits had grown boring. 

Wake up in the morning, eat two bites of rice and catalogue it in his phone, eat flavored bread for lunch and catalogue it, have a snack and catalogue it, practice with the others until it was time to go home with Yamaguchi. 

He remembered the overwhelming release of joy he’d feel being able to see what he’d eaten in a day, how much control he had over it, but it lost its luster early on. 

The world really was just a gray place where Tsukishima made his own mild entertainment in antagonizing others, all the while repressing that soul crushing knowledge that he couldn’t live up to those surrounding him. 

The training camp was a special sort of hell for him, seeing everyone like that and still not understanding the ‘why’ behind it all. 

Even after it had been explained to him, he couldn’t imagine having a moment like that. 

It was all so pointless, that was what he thought. Even as he watched himself get left behind he couldn’t bring himself to stand up and start chasing after the others. It was easier than facing that inevitable sense of disappointment that pervaded his every action. He wondered when the world had become like this to him, everything felt utterly meaningless. 

His envy became a monster during that time and his need to have some sense of control, of superiority, spiraled. 

Yamaguchi was the one to stop him, to get him to finally snap out of it. 

It was so lame. 

He couldn’t believe that Yamaguchi had finally surpassed him, though Kei knew that the other didn’t see it that way. 

Yamaguchi saw it as catching up. 

Yamaguchi. 

Always was he there, always was he the one to anchor Tsukishima even when he was at his shittiest. Of course, Tsukki knew that it was because of how little faith Yamaguchi had in himself, and how high a pedestal he held Tsukki on. 

He found it funny in a way, how Yamaguchi adored him. Tsukishima knew that it was because he did what Yamaguchi could not, be apathetic, not care about how others teased him or stared. When Yamaguchi was losing his head left and right over just about everything, there Tsukki was to remind him that none of it really mattered with an utterly curt _Shut up, Yamaguchi._

As per their routine he would be met with _Sorry, Tsukki_ and flushed cheeks. 

Though, before he knew it, it seemed like all of Kei’s usual comments were leaving Tadashi a new sort of flustered and it was only after he had realized that Yamaguchi had become cool did he notice this. 

Every single time Kei found himself speaking to Yamaguchi, the other would tense up, cheeks flushed and eyes alight with an almost fanatical sort of focus. 

It unnerved Tsukishima deep into the far reaches of his stomach, though he could never quite place why. 

He felt like a fool when he finally realized it, deep into the night after a study session at Kei’s. Yamaguchi had decided to spend the night, Tsukki didn’t fight. 

As he lie in bed, listening to music as moonlight filtered into his room, he realized that Yamaguchi had a crush on him. 

It was obvious really, the way he’d blush, his staring. All of them were telltale signs that he just never acknowledged. He laughed at himself then, he really had become uncool. 

He imagined dating Yamaguchi regularly, though it wasn’t because he liked him back. When Tsukishima thought of his feelings for Yamaguchi, he was met with a muddled mix of the passive contempt he felt for everyone, affection, and a feeling that could very closely be linked to pity. He figured Yamaguchi would confess, and he would say yes if the thought struck him in the moment, their relationship would stay the same except for the addition of perhaps holding hands. If he had thought about it before the training camp, he would have denied, but Yamaguchi was on his way to becoming something of an equal in many respects, and Tsukishima liked the idea of being with someone who would challenge him rather than submitting like a dog. 

Of course, that didn’t mean that he enjoyed the fighters like those idiots Kageyama and Kuroo-san. He preferred something to keep him on his toes, and he could see Yamaguchi being on his way to becoming that. 

Tsukki knew that Yamaguchi would soon confess, he could sense the boiling beneath his skin that same energy he gave Coach Ukai when he wanted to be put into the game, but Tsukki played dumb. He had been playing dumb this whole time when he really thought about it, after all, Yamaguchi’s crush really was quite obvious. If he were anyone else he would have felt the need to tease him about it, but Kei wanted more than anything to put off what he knew was coming. Besides, spring qualifiers were right around the corner. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi kudos, comments, etc are greatly appreciated and there is a 99% chance that if you comment I'll reply.
> 
> @tamyura_ on twt  
> @porcelain_babies on insta


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